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[Reclaim Your Life Nuggets] Do you feel that you are being heard?
August 11, 2013

August 11, 2013 | Issue #005 | Sign up for this ezine

Welcome to another issue of 'Reclaim Your Life Nuggets', where we hope you are up to date with the nuggets you've been given so far.
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Listening is at the heart of good communication.
Communication is the foundation of ALL your relationships, and when you really think about it, relationships are what give meaning to your life.

We've all experienced both sides of listening, and the question at the subject of this issue "Are you being heard?" places you at the side that already KNOWS how important listening is, because if your answer to this question is anything but a resounding YES - then you get the challenge here.

The voice in our head, the one that keeps pushing us to be right and to 'say our piece', is the main hindrance in listening. It creates an agenda and interferes with our ability to truly and honestly listen 'with the intent to understand' what the other person is trying to communicate.

Another hurdle that interferes with listening is impatience - the way of the world these days creates a big sense of "hurry". We don't want to waste any precious time so we try to rush the things that we can, and our communication with the people around us suffers.

So many times in our head we assume we already know what the other person is going to say when we hear their first words, and so to save time we just finish it for them and quickly move on, not bothering to confirm our assumptions.

Any of this sound familiar to you?

The consequences of this miscommunication created when hastening and listening with our own agenda, could be dire to our relationships. It's at the heart of most of our relationships challenges.

Being aware of all this could help you in prevention of future miscommunications, however - if you already are in the middle of a big communication challenge, there's a powerful solution for you. An idea taught by the wonderful Stephen Covey - The Indian Talking Stick technique.

You can apply it in every relationship situation, and if you're not familiar with it here's how it works: you can give any object of your choice the role of the Talking Stick, and the main idea is that whoever is holding the stick is the only one who talks.

To do it most effectively the rules are that if YOU have the stick - I can't say anything to make my point. I can't agree or disagree, I can ask a question to confirm I get your point, or whatever needed for YOU to feel understood.

As soon as you feel understood on your point, then you pass the talking stick to me. Now it's my turn and you are quiet and listen with empathy until I feel understood. As soon as I feel understood I pass it back to you until you feel understood and so we keep on going and the results are amazing. The transformation of the energy from negative and defensive into creative is inevitable and so surprisingly refreshing, you should really try it for yourself.

Try it with your child, parent, life partner, try it at work - wherever the need arises - I guarantee you that you'd feel it was SO worth it.

If you are not familiar with Stephen Covey's teachings, I warmly encourage you to familiarize yourself with his timeless book
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".

Here's to a new era of patient listening. May we all benefit.

Stay tuned for our next Reclaim Your Life Nugget and remember...

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