Grudge and Resentment - Where Did We Get The Idea
That If We Don't Forgive People, They Suffer?

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We've all experienced holding a grudge or feelings of resentment at some point in our lives, and it's likely that if you are reading this, you might be experiencing those feelings right now.

This would be the toughest challenge in relationships, especially if it's within family, or with friends who used to be really close to us.


So how can we mend this broken heart...?


The first step would be to become aware that this grudge, those feelings of resentment, they reside inside of us and nowhere else, and this is actually very good news because it means WE CAN  transform this situation.

Yes, a relationship IS between TWO people, however, you are only responsible and have control over YOUR thoughts and feelings.

Another very important point to make is that in some cases, the other person is long gone or may have even passed away, yet the grudge and those feelings of resentment are still very much alive within us.

Those feelings are in fact very unhealthy for us so we are the ones 'paying the price' here, and this is a very high price that in reality - affects the quality of our life.

There are lots of different reasons for holding grudges. The common thing though is that we usually believe that we are right and the other person was wrong, or wronged us, and we usually are right. However - does this really make any difference NOW?

It's not really about who is right and who is wrong, it IS about that feeling that's 'consuming' us from within. 

It is about us and NOT about them.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned."

~ Buddha

Now, let's look at different types of grudges.

You could have feelings of resentment towards a friend or a family member, that originate in a major disagreement, and now you are so upset with this person that you no longer talk to them. In many cases, the mere thought of that person brings back those emotions.

You might have experienced some kind of abuse in your past and those feelings of anger/shame and of 'I could NEVER forgive that person', could be your experience. 

Whatever it is that causes you to feel the way you do - what matters is your feelings and not the other person.

If the other person has passed away or is long gone from your life - it does not mean that you are 'condemned' to live with it for the rest of your life. What you need to do in order to transform this situation does not have to involve the other person.

You see, it's those unhealthy feelings that we're experiencing - they should be our concern.


And you are warmly invited to check out our FREE 'Discover the Freedom' videos offering some more powerful insight on this matter you won't want to miss .... You'll find them on Our Gifts to You page you can access through the site menu.



On the page dedicated to responsibility we've already mentioned that our feelings regarding any situation in our life are a direct result of our Perception.

So perception is the key to our feelings, which means that if we change the way we look at a situation, our whole feeling about it could change. Knowing this is very powerful.

When we feel a certain way and we don't like the way we are feeling, we're often at a loss - how can one change the way they feel? However, looking at a situation from a different angle is something way more practical for us, and could do wonders to our feelings.

To apply this in a situation of holding a grudge or feelings of resentment, simply stop and think for a minute...

  • This person have already hurt you.
  • By continuing to feel this hurt, you are in fact, still their victim.
  • It is YOU who suffer NOW.

So here's the time to mention a word that might raise some controversy, and so we'll explain it clearly so you actually GET where we're going with this. The word is "forgive" and what it really means is "give for" or "replace".

Replace your feelings of resentment in order to regain a sense of peace and harmony. Literally it means to let go this feeling you should not have held onto in the first place.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that
person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel.
Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

~ Catherine Ponder

Ignoring other factors in this case, here's a simple, yet very effective affirmation to say repeatedly to yourself:

"I willingly release the thoughts and things that clutter my mind.
I release ________ to his/her highest good, and me to mine."


When you feel extremely challenged about forgiving a certain person, a powerful affirmation that could help you is:

“My God, I humanly cannot forgive this person, but if you can, please forgive them through me.”

The key is to release and let go of this grudge/ resentment.

Here are some other aspects to consider, that can be your 'food for thought'  for our 'wrap up', and perhaps give you another perspective:

  • Remember that in your life you tend to judge yourself quite often. Forgiving yourself is vitally important for your peace and harmony. Affirming words of forgiveness would be more powerful when YOU being FORGIVEN is included.
  • When people make mistakes and do bad things or do things wrong, it's because THEY don't know any better. You wouldn't want to be judged for your ignorance, and it's probably not our place to judge anyone for theirs.
  • Forgiving someone, does not necessarily make what they did right. The power of forgiveness comes from the compassion it involves. There is no bad without good. Constantly look for the good in people and situations (laws of the universe) and you will experience a major emotional shift.
  • Every situation in life is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. If anything bad happens you can choose to be a victim or choose to learn from it.
    Ultimately, how you live your life - is your choice.
  • Your family, your blood, are in your life for a reason. If you wish to grow in this life, always choose to learn from your experiences with them. Don't go through life holding a grudge or feelings of resentment to any of them. You do not want to be paying the dear painful price it will cost you.


  • "Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
    Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
    Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.

    Martin Luther King, Jr.



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What Other Visitors Have Said

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40 years of grudgeful 
This is crazy but I've held onto a grudge against my mother for 40 years. In adulthood it's transformed into drastically overeacting whenever my partner …

40 years of grudgeful 
This is crazy but I've held onto a grudge against my mother for 40 years. In adulthood it's transformed into drastically overeacting whenever my partner …

Holding onto grudges 
I am 24 yrs old and am dating a 38 yrs old guy. The problem is that he is holding onto old grudges which occurred when we fight like all relationships …

Holding my pains and hatred 
Its been a year now..but still the bad memories are still in my head and in my heart.. My husband is a good man, i could say a straight forward man, a …

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