Holding my pains and hatred


(Jakarta)

Its been a year now..but still the bad memories are still in my head and in my heart..
My husband is a good man, i could say a straight forward man, a good provider. He dont even touch his money even his own salary, atm is already with me. He is my boyfriend since we were in university, 4years engaged, And 25 years married. For the past 29 years we were together he was not involved in any other woman. We fight, yes but usual fighy of husband and wife, differences in character.
We are a happy and active christian family, sunday in the church, bible study and attend church camp. I could say, im contented and trust my husband so much.
But things happenned when we least expected..
It was late last year 2010, we have to separate coz he work in other country and i cant be with him coz my children need me and i have one teenager girl that need my guidance.

Oftentimes i visited him, and it happened i used his Ipad, he was so concious and trying to signout his messenger, i felt different. I talk to him if he had chatting to somebody he denied,
I ignored that situation but i warned him.

Its december 2010 when i confirmed that my husband is having a close relationship with his staff, i caught them in a chat. I read all the sweetie things they talked about, it hurt so much and i cant accept it, things happened to me. I cant believed that my husband do such thing, i trusted him so much. The girl is so young, same age as my eldest son. They are always together in the office and sometimes even late at night coz they are working in a project that needs an overtime.
I talked to my husband and he told me that its only a fun nothing physical involvement.
I talked to the girl and warned her, but inspite of my warnings she still communicate with my husband. My husband told me its just work, and he promised me that he is not chatting anymore with her.

Good thing now the girl already resigned, but i still hate her. The pain still here in my heart, i even tests my husband inviting him in a chat using the name of this girl but he always declined, he even closed his messenger. I was convinced that my husband dont want to communicate with her anymore...

The problem now is with me, i still remember the betrayal..
I want to move on and forget everything...

I want to move on, but when i remember all the chats they have and the moments they were together in the office, my anger still here in my heart, i suffer so much..

Comments for Holding my pains and hatred

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Feb 17, 2012
Some loving thoughts
by: Shirly

Thank you for openly sharing what's in your heart.

Yes, it's not easy to deal with such emotions, and possibly reading this page might give you some idea on some things you can try, that could help you let go this pain.

As food for thought, perhaps a few things to ask yourself could help:

- Is it possible that in fact, it's not about the girl but about your husband? After all, this girl is no longer in your life...

- Why do you think your husband pursued this relationship in the first place? Perhaps there may be room for compassion here

- Do you trust your husband today?

To have a healthy relationship with your husband, it's essential to have good communication that involves honesty and trust, but first of all you need to be honest with yourself and be very clear about your emotions.

Once you understand exactly what it is that really causes this suffering, you will know what needs to be done in order to ease your pain.

Another important thing to remember is not to try and suppress your emotions, but allow yourself to feel them and let them move through you, so they don't get stuck anywhere in your body and affect your wellbeing.

You are absolutely not doomed to suffer for the rest of your life, and the sooner you deal with this, the sooner you WILL feel better.

With love and blessings

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